Now if you’re a woman in business, you’re probably familiar with the phrase “it’s lonely at the top.” If you haven’t heard that phrase before, it essentially means that successful and higher-up the ladder people (like CEOs) tend to have few friends or people to turn to and that they typically experience a sense of loneliness the higher they rise.
Why is that?
Well, a couple of reasons.
1. You’re responsible for outcomes.
At the end of the day, you make the final decisions and you’re the one responsible for the outcomes – good or bad.
When you’re the CEO, the buck stops with you. There is no one else to blame and no one else higher up who can deal with whatever situation pops up. Now please don’t misunderstand me here because yes of course there are team members and specialists who can step in and handle things in their departments, but you’re still the CEO. You’re still the one running things and you’re still the one responsible for the business.
That can be a lot of pressure and it can be hard for others to understand just how much pressure that is or what that’s like unless they’ve been in similar shoes.
2. Relationship dynamics shift.
When you get to a certain point, it becomes really hard to relate with others who aren’t in the industry or who just don’t get it.
Now when you’re running a business, it’s a bit different than climbing the corporate ladder. Since you started the business, you likely brought people on to help support you instead of climbing rungs and surpassing people.
But even still, leadership is different than friendship. That isn’t to say that a leader can’t be a friend, but hear me out on this one.
I certainly went through this and I’ve seen it with clients. I know so many women who started out as freelancers. And that’s literally how they viewed themselves. And a freelancer or a soloprenuer or insert synonym here – that is very different from a CEO. And you can be running the same business with the same business model but who you are and how you show up is totally different. And one byproduct of that can be that friends, family, team, etc – the relationship dynamics shift.
3. Imposter syndrome rears its head.
None of us have it all figured out. We all have wobbles and are figuring shit out as we go.
In episode 4 of the podcast, we highlighted how as women, we tend to ask for help or communicate what we need far less than men. And that was pulled from a Harvard Business Review article, not just out of thin air.
So where this can be so challenging is when we feel unprepared or like we’re not enough, you know, classic imposter syndrome thoughts, we can struggle to reach out for support. We can struggle to communicate what we need because we don’t want to look like we don’t know what we’re doing. And this just means the higher we rise or the more successful we become, the lonelier it can get.
Time and time again I’ve heard from clients, and I’ve experienced it myself, that the higher you rise, the lonelier it can feel. And that absolutely can 100% be true.
Statistically speaking, there actually aren’t a lot of us out there – not collectively at least.
Now anytime I share a statistic or a quote or you know anything that I’m pulling data from I want to make sure to give credit where credit is due and also make sure that I have the source to back up what I’m saying.
So with that said, I searched for what felt like an insanely long time, truth be told I think it was close to an hour, trying to find the most recent statistics on women business owners crossing the 6 and 7 figure mark.
There’s a lot of info swirling around out there on a lot of websites stating that as of this year, “88% of women-owned firms generate less than $100,000 annually.”
From everything I could find, I believe the original source of this was actually from 2018 from the Women’s Business Enterprise National Council in an article titled Behind the Numbers: The State of Women-Owned Businesses in 2018. First of all, these are numbers from the US, not global. And this was taken pre-pandemic, so we know those numbers have changed a bit.
Next comes the National Association of Women Business Owners from 2019, stats also pulled from the US. But this states “4.2% of all women-owned firms have revenues of 1 million or more.“
So let’s just cycle back to that one more time.
“88% of women-owned firms generate less than $100,000 annually.” That’s 12%.
“4.2% of all women-owned firms have revenues of 1 million or more.“
So we’ve got 12% of women-owned businesses crossing 6 figures. And 4.2% of women-owned business crossing 7 figures.
So statistically speaking, there aren’t a lot of us out there. Truly. So of course it can feel lonely at the top.
But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be.
Now I just want to interject really quickly on the stats before we shift – if you know updated numbers on this and have a legitimate source or study to back it up, either from the US or globally for women-owned businesses crossing the 6 and/or 7 figure mark, I would LOVE to hear from you. Just as a side note.
Okay so let’s go ahead and bust the myth that it’s lonely at the top.
So we’ve already established how and why it can be lonely. But in order to shift that it’s imperative to focus on connection and creating high-quality relationships.
At the forefront of this connection focus can be surrounding yourself with people who get it. Specifically other women running businesses. While they may not face the exact same challenges that you do, they usually understand the trials and tribulations of running a business, the stress of holding all the pieces and being the one accountable, the dips and turns and rollercoaster that comes with being the CEO, the fear when the numbers aren’t quite there, and the celebration when they are. These women have been in the trenches themselves and can relate to what you go through and what it means to be a CEO.
This can look like a coach or mentor who has been there before and can help you navigate the challenges that arise. This can also look like a collective of your peers, such as a community or a mastermind. I usually recommend both because being an entrepreneur is not for the faint of heart, and more support is usually not a bad thing.
Outside of the work world, you can also create and nurture high-quality relationships with others who have similar interests as you. This may have nothing to do with business, which is fine. It can be someone you meet at a book club or in a hiking group or at a digital nomad meetup or a dance class. Whatever. It can also be your childhood best friend and/or your partner. The point is that you’re going to connect with these people in a different way than you would someone running a business, but you can still create a high-quality relationship.
Finally, as we’re talking about relationships, something that I don’t think is talked about enough, especially in the sense of it being lonely at the top is your team. Empower your team. Yes, there are things that they aren’t going to be able to relate to. And yes, at the end of the day, you are the CEO and you’re the one responsible for things. But it gets incredibly lonely at the top when yours is the only voice in the wind.
This point is assuming that your team takes initiative and are great assets to the company, and I’m also acknowledging that this can be a really fine line to draw. However, if you can focus on creating an environment where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued, this can foster a mutually beneficial relationship for everyone.
While connection and relationships are at the crux of this, don’t forget to prioritise your self-care and work on your mindset in the meantime.
Make sure you’re continuing to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep. Eat well. Exercise. Schedule a massage. Have some chill time. Whatever. Self-care looks different for you than it does for me, but the point here is make sure that you’re taking care of yourself while you’re building your empire.
And then typically when you get a certain level of business, you’ve developed some type of mindset practice or routine that works for you. Oftentimes you wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t. But remember that negative thoughts can still creep in, self doubt can show up, we’ve already talked a bit about imposter syndrome, so continue to work on your mindset as you’re going through this journey.
If you are struggling with things being lonely at the top, I would love to invite you to join my Mastermind. It focuses on helping you streamline and simplify in order to scale, but at the heart of it it’s about surrounding yourself with other women who get it. You can pop me a message for more info, or you can also go directly to the link that’s floating around in the text area of this episode.
As always, thank you so much for being here. I so appreciate you. And if you are tuning in and you’re feeling lonely at the top in your business, I promise you we all go through it, but there is hope on the other side. You don’t have to go at it alone. Thank you again and I’ll see you next Monday!
